Book Reviews by Elizabeth A. White

So one day Michael McBride, Brian Knight, and I decided to write a book.

I’ve known both of them for several years, though the only time all three of us crossed paths in real life was the 2007 World Horror Convention, where most of our conversation consisted of variations on “Ha ha! You don’t have a book deal with a major New York publisher! You must suck!”

(The reason we could say this and have it be delightfully amusing was that none of us had a book deal with a major New York publisher. It’s the same principle that allows me to say “Ha ha! You didn’t win the Bram Stoker Award! You must suuuuck!”)

(Of course, I later published Pressure and Dweller with Leisure Books, forcing me to retire the joke. But then Leisure canceled its mass market paperback line shortly before Wolf Hunt could be published–actually, it was scheduled for THIS VERY WEEK if you’re reading this the day Elizabeth posts it, so the pain is still piping hot–and I pulled the book. So I’m not quite sure if I can make fun of people who don’t have New York publishing deals or not. Maybe I’m only allowed to make fun of other Leisure authors. I’ll have to research this.) (more…)

Stanley Dabernath was not exactly what one would call a success in life: thirty-five years old, sixty thousand dollars in debt (his Demented Whackos Video business having never really taken off), recently evicted from his apartment, subsisting on a diet of Ramen noodles (stolen, at that), and reduced to swiping alcohol from his parents to use at meetings with his few remaining potential business partners.

And so a cynic might argue that Stanley’s death (more spectacular than anything he ever accomplished in life – drowning in milk in a freak accident) was not really much of a loss to the world. Ah, but his death ironically gave him a second chance at life. Literally. Project Second Chance “rescued” Stanley from the morgue and, well, brought him back to life. On live TV (to record ratings).

Suddenly an international phenomenon dubbed “The Amazing Mr. Corpse” by the press, Stanley finally has the fortune and fame he always craved. Except, you know, he’s a semi-rotted, kinda smelly zombie. Nevertheless, determined to make the most of it Stanley rides the wave of talk show appearances, rap video cameos, beer commercials, product endorsements (t-shirts, candy, action figures), and personal appearances that come rocketing his way. A zombie living the high life. (more…)

Forty-two years old, painfully shy, single, stuck working a dead-end cubicle job, Charlie Stanlon lives a pretty boring life as far as the world around him is concerned. Which is the way Charlie likes it.

What his coworkers don’t know is that when they head out for drinks after work, Charlie heads out to find his next victim. Charlie is a serial killer.

There’s an invariable pattern to his life that Charlie sticks with, a set of rules he lives by to keep himself from getting caught, and that strict discipline allows him to conduct regular hunts for victims and satisfy his urges while also keeping him under control and out of prison.

But a funny thing happens on a hunt one night. He finds an injured dog and, against his better judgment, takes it home. From that point forward Charlie’s life begins to change in ways he couldn’t previously have imagined possible. (more…)

“It should be pointed out that real life-panties don’t quite tear the way they do in the movies. ” – Seth Trexler

Out of Whack is the fictional autobiography of Seth Trexler, an aspiring horror writer turned comic, romantically challenged, big-hearted goofball. Along with Travis Darrow, his best friend since age 10, we follow Seth as he progresses through high school and into college. Along the way Seth gets drunk for the first time (which leads to meeting the woman of his dreams in a less than smooth manner), loses his virginity in hilarious fashion (see the quote that starts this review), and pursues a career in sketch comedy (despite having a paralyzing fear of public speaking).

Throughout it all Seth and his companions display the irreverent, self-depreciating humor for which Strand’s characters have come to be known, and the plot strikes the perfect balance between Animal House style madness and sneakily subtle self-reflection on serious topics such as love, friendship, and having the courage to follow your dreams.

And in one of the touches that are hallmarks of Strand’s books, the presentation of the book itself is a bit, well, wacky. The table of contents includes “chapter” listings such as: The first twenty pages (1-20), The next twenty pages (21-40), Perfect bowling score (300), Amount in my bank account ($1.57), and Page one-hundred-and-sixteen (243). Out of Whack also comes complete with a faux, ready-made book report provided by the fictional Seth for any students who may have purchased his book to use for that purpose, as well as an “Out of Whack Activity Page” (Because I care so much about you, the reader, I hereby give you this mostly-blank page to use for whatever you want. Enjoy!) conveniently located between chapters twenty-nine and thirty.

Out of Whack is a coming of age story as only Jeff Strand could tell. (more…)

Combining horror and comedy in such a way that neither overpowers the other is a delicate operation, but it’s something author Jeff Strand has demonstrated time and again he is a master of doing with surgical precision.

Of course, it helps that the man is seriously demented. Really, how else can you describe someone who has written books with titles such as Socially Awkward Moments with an Aspiring Lunatic, Casket for Sale (Only Used Once), How to Rescue a Dead Princess, and Werewolf Porno (yes, you read that right)?

Well, actually you can also describe him as extremely talented (he’s a two time Bram Stoker Award nominee – he keeps losing to some dude named Stephen King) and criminally unknown to mainstream audiences. Which is why I’ve chosen to give thanks that I am in the know about Strand’s work and to spread the word about his writing by making this Jeff Strand Week here on Musings of an All Purpose Monkey.

Jeff didn’t always want to be a writer. Initially he wanted to be a cartoonist, and spent the early part of his youth “drawing Spider-Man comics, violating copyright law left and right without a smidgen of guilt.” Eventually, however, the realization that he couldn’t actually draw very well settled in and he turned his attention to writing. (more…)

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In Block’s contribution to Best American Noir of the Century, “Like a Bone in the Throat,” we meet the cast of two, William Charles Croydon and Paul Dandridge, at Croydon’s murder trial where he is convicted of killing Dandridge’s sister and sentenced to death. In order to amuse himself while on death row Croydon begins exchanging correspondence with the misguided women who send him fan letters, manipulating them into sending him revealing photos and their darkest sexual fantasies.

Soon, however, toying with women so willing to do whatever he asks of them loses the ability to excite Croydon, so he decides to write a letter to Dandridge. When Dandridge doesn’t respond, Croydon writes him again. And again. After ignoring the letters initially, Dandridge finally can’t help himself and begins writing back. The story’s set up is told through traditional prose, but the bridge is revealed via a sampling of the letters between Croydon and Dandridge, a technique that is very effective in conveying the intensity of their exchanges.

Block’s build up to the inevitable conclusion – about which I will be vague so as not to spoil it – is deliciously slow and sweet, a perfect reflection of the deliberateness with which Croydon and Dandridge attempt to manipulate each other with nothing but words on paper – much like Block with the reader – over the course of many years. Suffice it to say, the ending of “Like a Bone in the Throat” is like a kick in the teeth.

A cautionary tale of the life changing power of both hate and forgiveness, “Like a Bone in the Throat” is truly a thing of noir beauty from one of America’s masters.

“Like A Bone in the Throat” is available for downloading at Amazon.

There’s enough darkness following Adam Lee, the main character in Grant Jerkins’ debut novel A Very Simple Crime, to fuel a Thanksgiving sized feast.

The book opens with Adam on trial for the murder of his wife, Rachel. As we learn through Adam’s narrated flashback to the events that brought him to this point in his life, it seems that darkness has followed him like a specter from the time his parents were killed in a car accident when he was a child.

He grows up only to marry a woman whom turns out to be seriously mentally disturbed, and with her has a son, Albert, who is born severely developmentally disabled. Though he doesn’t grow much mentally, Albert does grow to be a very physically large young man, one prone to violent outbursts. After nearly killing his mother during a confrontation Albert is finally institutionalized.

Trying to get some breathing space from his suffocating home life, Adam begins having an affair with one of Albert’s attendants at the institution. To occupy his wife while he sneaks away with his mistress for the weekend Adam brings Albert home from the institution for a visit. Upon his return home from the tryst, however, he finds Rachel dead and Albert nearly nearly catatonic, rocking back and forth in a corner of the room.

With Albert the only one present, and having a history of violence against his mother, the police conduct a perfunctory investigation; it’s clear to them what happened. The setup and majority of the backstory established, it’s at this point A Very Simple Crime turns from pure Southern Gothic into a legal thriller that just happens to be set in the South. And, if possible, it gets even darker. (more…)